


I'll Always Choose You: Part One - Break Up

by himekohimura



Series: I'll Always Choose You [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Past Ohno/Original Character, Post-Break Up, Pre-Slash, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-10-06 00:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10321856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himekohimura/pseuds/himekohimura
Summary: Satoshi would always pick them over anyone else. He thought it was because he was loyal, a good leader. But that wasn't all. Not really.





	1. Break-Up

**Author's Note:**

> Three part series that will end with OT5. Feel free to stay for the ride.

“So you picked them over me?” 

Ohno kept his head bowed. This isn’t the first time he’s had this conversation and it won’t be the last. Of course he picked them. Who would think that he would pick otherwise? The only time he ever got emotional, ever actually cared about things that were outside of his art or fishing was when it came to them. 

Ohno would always pick them over anyone else, even someone he had confessed his love to. Because that love would always be second to them. He thought she understood that.

“I’m sorry,” he says and he means it. 

“I don’t want your sorrys, Satoshi. I gave up my career for you, and this is how you repay me!” The slap is sudden and he again, he isn’t surprised. He deserves it. The media had found out and so the company had to react. Break it up or else. Ohno hadn’t hesitated, hadn’t even resisted. He’d gone home that day and told her it was over. “You said you loved me.”

“I do.”

“Then why? Why are you throwing me away so easily?”

Ohno looks up finally, meets her eyes. “Because I love them more.” It’s so honest and so Ohno that she can’t help but blink and sigh. She reaches out, pats his head and Ohno knows her heart his breaking. His is as well. He did love her. Of course he did. He doesn’t lie about those things. She has fire, snarky with a bit of that clumsiness that he’s always been fond of. Good at cooking, serious in some ways, but always gentle and kind. 

All the things he likes in one. But it’s never enough. It’s not what he wants and he knows it.

But this is as close as he can get, these fleeting love affairs that always end in heartbreak. 

“Good-bye, Ohno-san.” 

He bows until she’s out the door and even then he keeps that pose, unable to look up. He wants to punish himself for this, for hurting her. He knows that he’ll never fight for them, not against the company. Not when he has four priorities over any girl in his life. 

His phone rings. He straightens and answers. “Leader.”

“Ah.”

“Did you do it?”

“Ah.”

“Want some company?”

“It’s okay. I can deal with it on my own.” It’s a lie and the other knows it. The line cuts and he stares at the phone for a minute. The doorbell rings and he jumps in surprise. He presses the monitor button. “How did you get here so fast?”

“Just open the stupid door,” Jun grumbles and Ohno reaches out to open his door only to be bowled over by their youngest, an armful of the man and his hand in his hair, petting him.

“I don’t know why you always chose us,” Jun says into his shoulder, holding Ohno tight and Ohno finally feels the tears start to fall. He did love her. He did. She was good for him, but…

“I’ll always choose you.” 

Jun holds him tighter.


	2. Try Harder

 

He’s the first on set for once, though it’s of no fault of his own. It just worked out that way. His place is the closest to the set this time. He takes the couch, laying on it with his arm over his swollen eyes. The makeup artists aren’t going to be happy today. When are they ever? They seemed to always take issue with something or other. Usually it’s his skin tone, unable to ever use the same palate. It’s hard for them, but it’s hard for him as well. What’s he supposed to do, give up his hobby? He’s already given up enough for this job.

The thought makes him frown as his eyes prickle. He isn’t going to cry again. He already did enough of that on Jun’s shoulder last night, embarrassingly enough. The other had left sometime while he had fallen asleep, leaving a note saying that he would see him this morning.  
The door opens and closes. “Leader.”

Ohno doesn’t have to look to know who that is. He can tell by the tone in Nino’s voice that news traveled fast. He doesn’t know if he likes that there’s a LINE chat out there without him in it, though he can’t really be angry since he has a few of his own that don’t have one or more of the others too. Still, this is different. They’re talking about him specifically and in what is probably not a way he wants to be talked about.

Pity isn’t something he likes to receive, especially by people he loves.

He goes back to pretending to sleep. It’s too early to deal with this. Thankfully, Nino doesn’t say anything else. Instead the other climbs onto the couch with him. He grunts, annoyed, but he doesn’t push Nino off as the other curls around him. This is the way that Nino shows his support and Ohno never says no to that.  
  
He doesn’t say no to Nino often, really.

The next in is Aiba, who has already had another schedule before this and is awake enough to be chatty. He enters the room, not noticing or maybe not caring, that his group members are cuddled on the couch and not really listening to his random story about his latest trip to a zoo somewhere in Asia. He comes over and sits on the floor right next to them, leaning against Ohno’s arm, chatting away.

Aiba’s also part of this private chat too, it seems.

Sho is the next in, with his newspaper and coffee. He takes the chair at the table, barely awake as he shoves his head into the news with naught a word. Later, Ohno knows, Sho will take him aside and make sure he’s okay.

They’re all so predictable. Or maybe it’s because he knows them better than he knows himself. He is their leader, after all. No matter how little he acts like it otherwise.

Jun is the last, later than usual. Ohno knows it’s his fault but he doesn’t try to look at Jun. If he does, he knows he’ll blush red, knowing he’d spent the night in Jun’s arms.

He’d been crying the entire time, embarrassing himself with the way he’d sniffled and clung, needing comfort as his heart broke over a girl he hadn’t even tried to fight for. It was his fault, he had no right to cry. But he’d gone and done it anyway with Jun petting his hair and telling him it’ll be alright in the end.

It’s the first time Jun’s ever done that. Usually he’ll take the road of Sho when it came to breakups. They’ve all had their fair share of them. But this one…This one Ohno knew he’d really loved. He was pretty sure, if he hadn’t been an idol, she might have been the one.

He never told that to any of them that, but somehow they knew. Of course they knew. They knew him as well as he knew them.

Which is why Jun had showed up at his front door. Why Nino was clinging to him like a koala when most of the time he’d just amp up the pawing. Why Aiba had decided to sit on the floor next to him instead of taking a chair. Why Sho kept nudging his chair closer so that he can be part of the huddle too, even though he’s barely awake enough to really contribute anything other than the occasional grunt.

This is why he would never choose anyone over them.

Jun drops his bags on the table before coming over to the couch. He pushes at their legs so he can sit down on the couch too. There really isn’t enough space for all three of them, but they make it work even though someone bumps into Aiba’s head, making the other stutter in the middle of his story about an alligator. He keeps going though, somehow, unfazed by how no one is actually listening.

Jun has their legs in his lap and usually he’d hate this, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Not today.

Ohno sighs softly. It’s too much, to be honest. He feels like all he wants is to curl somewhere in his room with his sketchbook and draw until his hand bled. Or something equally unproductive and dark.

He’s allowed to have dark thoughts, right?

The manager comes and calls them, unfazed by the way they’re wrapped up with each other. He’s seen worse with them. Or maybe with other Johnny’s. They are an eccentric company, after all.

Today’s photoshoot is something about love and caring and Ohno has a hard time smiling for the camera. None of the shots come out right and the photographer calls for a break an hour in, frustrated with Ohno and his lack of enthusiasm. The manager gives him a look and then talks to the photographer. The look means to get it together. He’s a professional. A 30-something year old man with a decade plus in the industry. He can do better.

What if he doesn’t want to? He’s feeling self-destructive right now. If he wasn’t an idol he could marry the girl he loves without worrying. He could do what he wanted, fished when he wanted, draw when he wanted.

If he wasn’t an idol, he could be free.

Nino bumps into his shoulder, giving him a worried look. Ohno looks back at Nino and tries to smile. 

If he wasn’t an idol, then Arashi wouldn’t exist.

He tries harder when they’re called back again.


	3. Crybaby

He isn't surprised when he finds Nino at his door that night, pushing himself into Ohno's apartment like he belongs there. He doesn't, but Ohno is too tired to try and force Nino of all people out of his apartment. He just really wants to spend his time throwing paint at a canvas or crushing a ball of clay under his hands as hard as he can instead of dealing with guests in his apartment that isn't quite ready for.

The memory of Jun holding him last night burns at the back of his head.

“What are you doing here Nino?” he asks like he doesn't know. They're all too concerned about him this time. Why can't they just treat this like they did his other break ups, with quiet support at work and left him to wallow in his misery at home?

“Don't be stupid,” Nino admonishes as he fiddles with Ohno's extremely large and extremely expensive TV. He's got some console with him, plugging it into the TV with a bit of difficulty but Ohno doesn't move to help him. Why should he? He doesn't want Nino there. “Come play this game with me. I can't play it by myself.”

Ohno doesn't move to where Nino is looking at him expectantly. They seem to think he'll easily bend to their will. He does, usually, but he's stubborn, hurting, not feeling like a reasonable adult right now. “Get out, Nino.” 

Nino frowns. “No.” 

Ohno feels like crying. “Please, Kazu,” he says. “I can't.”

Nino stands up from where he's sitting, eyes unreadable as he comes over to stand in front of Ohno. “Can't what?”

“People,” Ohno says after a moment, trying to get himself under control. “I can't...deal with you right now.” 

“You're going to have to, because I'm not leaving you alone right now to take it out on a canvas or some lump of clay that doesn't deserve it.” Ohno chokes because how does Nino know-- 

The next moment Nino has his arms around Ohno, tight and unyielding. Nino isn't the hugger. Not for things like this. Nino likes to smother, that's for certain, but he'll leave someone to cry it out not hug them like he's doing for Ohno now. But Ohno can't really work out what Nino is thinking right now. He's trying desperately to wiggle out of Nino's grasp. He's not going to have a repeat of yesterday, he's not--

He ends up in bed an hour later, snuggled up to Nino, sniffling through another batch of tears, the other groping his ass like that was okay but it's not like Ohno's going to stop him right now. He's as weak as a kitten right now, the fight gone now that the frustrations have been cried out. 

“Why are you here?” he asks quietly through sniffles. Nino pets his hair in that way that only Jun really does. The way he likes. He almost purrs with satisfaction, but holds himself back.

“I told you already, I'm not leaving you alone. Not like this.” There's exasperation in his voice. 

“You guys never...did it before.” 

“Yeah, well, we're older now. And...” Nino trails off and Ohno feels the arms around him tighten. 

“And what?”

“And you're more of a crybaby than we thought.” Nino is deflecting and Ohno doesn't have the energy to try and pry out the secrets Nino is keeping from him. Later, when he doesn't feel broken inside, he'll figure it all out.


	4. Not Guilt

Nino and Jun take turns keeping him company at his home, which is frustrating because he still finds himself crying like a baby every night in one or the other's arms even though he protests. It isn't even about the break-up anymore, he feels. It's just that every time they would do something that reminded him of her, it'd be a reminder that if he'd really loved her, he would have fought for her.

But he didn't fight and it's that guilt that's eating him up inside. What is love if you won't fight for it? Why did he even say those words to her if he didn't really mean it?

Arashi came first. And that's a truth that he'll never compromise. And he'd fight for them. Or take a hit for them, as it were. Does that mean he'll never love anyone? 

He's fiddling with his phone, contemplating dialing her number. He's still got it. Why would he get rid of it? She's still a friend. Maybe. He doesn't know. It wouldn't hurt to ask.

“Who do you plan on calling?” Jun asks, his head fitting neatly in the crook of his shoulder. It's a bit heavy but Ohno doesn't protest. If he didn't like it, he'd tell Jun. He's looking at the screen of Ohno's cellphone. Sees how he hovers over her name in his contacts.

“Who do you think?” He's lost patience with both of them by now, his tongue sharp because they haven't left him alone in a week. Always there to take care of him like he's a baby. He's not. He's the oldest, for fuck's sake. And the Leader of their group. Just because he doesn't do leader-like things didn't mean he had to be taken cared of like this. Yeah, sure, he's going through a break up, and sure, he used them as an excuse to leave her but...

“Are you thinking of getting back with her?” Jun ignores the hostility in Ohno's voice. They've known each other for way too long for Jun to really be frightened of Ohno's anger. It's quick but gone in the next second. 

“I can't,” Ohno tries to push Jun away but the other just settles closer onto him. “You guys are getting seriously too close.” 

“Why can't we?” Jun looks up at him and for a moment. There's...something there that Ohno doesn't quite know how to categorize. Or maybe he just doesn't want to. “We're your Arashi, aren't we?”

“I don't get you guys,” Ohno's expression twists in annoyance. “You and Nino have been stalking me ever since I broke up with her. You won't leave me alone for even one minute.” He waves at the console that's been permanently hooked up to his TV and then at the bathroom where Jun's products are lining a shelf. “It's like you've moved in!”

“Do you dislike it?” Jun asks, his arms coming up to wrap around Ohno's neck. He's looking at Ohno intently, like he's trying to dig up some dim dark secret that only Ohno knows. But he has none. Ohno is an open book to Arashi. They know when he's displeased, when he's offended, when he's angry, when he's happy, when he's sad. It's all there for them to see. He keeps nothing from them. 

“I don't know what you want from me,” Ohno tries to wiggle out of Jun's grasp like he's always trying to do but the both of them have learned that although he's athletic, he's weak against hugs and Jun just hugs him closer, mouth next to Ohno's ear as he breaths out the next words.

“You know exactly what we want.”

Ohno feels a shiver work up his spine that he won't try to put a name to. “No, I don't,” he says and when he pushes this time, Jun lets him go. He stands up, moving toward his room then stopping when Jun doesn't try to follow him. He looks back, doesn't know why he does it. Maybe it's because he's been trained to expect company while sleeping. Not only with her, but with them. Jun and Nino. 

Somehow, in the space of only a week, they've turned his world upside down. 

Jun looks back at Ohno, his expression unreadable. Ohno doesn't like that. Over the years, he'd like to think the others are just as much as an open book to him as he is to them. Sho doesn't know how to stop talking when he's uncomfortable or agitated. Aiba pretends to be the fool when he feels awkward. Nino pretends to not care because he cares too much. Jun...Jun masks his insecurities with aggressiveness. But he can't see any of that here, just expectancy. Like Ohno should know what Jun's talking about. 

Jun snorts and breaks their eye contact to stand up. “You really are the most clueless of us all,” he says as he starts to pack his bag. “Even Aiba isn't this stupid.”

“How am I supposed to know what you're talking about when you don't say anything?” Ohno argues with Jun as the other slips his wallet into his back pocket. “You're...It's all been different since I broke up with her and I don't understand why--”

Jun slams a hand against the wall beside Ohno's head and the other's eyes widen as the youngest of them looms over him, backing him up against said wall in classic manga style that has the fisherman blinking in confusion and a bit of annoyance. He isn't a girl.

“You broke up with her because of us right?” Jun's eyes hold a bottle of emotions spilled over and Ohno can't figure out any of them. It's foreign coming from Jun, or at least these emotions he sees in Jun's eyes. “Because you love us more.”

“Well, yeah, but I always do.” It's the same excuse he's given every girlfriend he's ever had. Every break-up ended the same way. Arashi was more important. He'd never betray them. 

“Why?”

“Why?” Ohno frowns. “Because I'm your Leader, aren't I?”

“That isn't all, is it?” Jun pushes and Ohno feels the irritation rise. What sort of answer did Jun expect? “You loved her the most didn't you? Of them all?”

“Yeah, but--”

“And you still let her go, because you love us more.”

Ohno makes a frustrated sound. “Yes. Of course, I always love you guys more. I thought that was obvious? I'm going through all this pain because of you guys and all I get is Kabedon'd by a guy!”

It's like Jun just realized what he was doing and the intensity leaves his eyes for a second as he pushes away from Ohno. He looks at his hand for a second, and then at Ohno. “You know, if you weren't so much of an idiot maybe I wouldn't have to Kabedon you.” 

“You keep on calling me an idiot, but I still don't know what you're talking about.” 

Jun looks at Ohno again with that unreadable look before he sighs. “Whatever,” he shakes his head and heads for the door. “Maybe Nino will have more luck.”

“More luck with what?” 

The only answer Ohno gets is his front door opening and closing.


	5. Locked Doors

Ohno stiffens when Nino comes near, like he expects the other to Kabedon him too but Nino rolls his eyes and settles into his side much like Jun did yesterday. They're moving closer to 40 and yet Nino still treats him like he did when they were 18 and still learning each other's boundaries. Ohno's boundaries have gotten broader and he had thought Nino's had too. But he was wrong. He's been wrong about a lot of things this past week, it seems.

He had been off and on with this girl for going on two years, the longest he's been able to maintain a relationship with anyone. Two years he'd thrown away for Arashi.

He moves slightly away from Nino. 

The other moves closer.

He looks at Nino who stares back at him and there's a slight war raging between them. Who's going to bring it up first?

Ohno sighs. “Are you going to call me an idiot like Jun did?” he asks, tearing his gaze away from the other to look at the door of the break room they're in. It's locked. Odd.

“No,” Nino says. “I don't need to.” You already know, is the rest of the sentence Ohno hears in his brain. The two of them have mastered talking without talking a long time ago. 

Ohno frowns. “I'm over her already,” he says after their silence goes on for too long. “You guys don't have to come around as much.” He doesn't mention how lonely his bed had been that night without Jun. 

“Are you saying you don't want us around?”

“Kinda.” Ohno watches Nino's face for a reaction, but gets none but a small smirk. 

“You got over her pretty quick. I thought you loved her.”

“There were two people who wouldn't leave me alone.”

“You saying we helped?” Ohno frowns. He doesn't want to admit that at all. But he knows that without them there, this might have gone on for months. He had been dating her for almost two years. And had said he loved her. 

Love, for Ohno, wasn't something that he took lightly.

“I don't need you guys,” he says instead of giving Nino the satisfaction of being right.

Nino snorts at his answer. “Right, crybaby.”

Ohno punches Nino in the side and Nino laughs. 

They settle into each other like they have always done, albeit closer than usual.

“Why is the door locked?” he asks after a moment of companionable silence. Nino looks at the door with a curious face as if he wasn't the one that had locked it. The other had been the last to enter the room and there was only the two of them. “Nino?”

“Ah!” the other exclaims, startling Ohno as he looks at Ohno with a smirk. “I wanted to do this,” he says and then leans forward to kiss Ohno on the lips.


	6. Better Than Rice

Aiba finds Ohno sitting on a corner of their break room couch. He's radiating anger and confusion, things that their normally laid back leader never really projects. He's always been the quiet type, Aiba knows. Fast to anger, fast to forgive. Never one to really hold a grudge. Well, sometimes at least. Ohno doesn't hold grudges, but he does over-think the strangest things.

Aiba comes over to sit next to Ohno who looks at him suspiciously. Aiba smiles wide, the type he knows will always get his members to open up to him. He plays the fool and they all know that, but they are so caught up in the act that they almost never catch Aiba when he's seriously trying to get them to do something he wants. He's serious when he wants to be, but Ohno doesn't need serious Aiba right now. He needs someone to comfort him, to help him work through whatever problem is plaguing him.

He suspects it has something to do with Nino and the red mark on the other's face that the make up artists are scrambling to cover up right now.

“Are you here to make a move on me too?” Ohno accuses and Aiba blinks. Well, he wasn't expecting that.

“I don't know, do you want me to?” Aiba answers with a tilt of his head. He'd be game if Ohno was. Their leader was the cutest, he's always thought. Baby-faced with this little high pitched voice that made Aiba want to hug him all the time.

“No,” Ohno replies quickly curling up more, horrified. “Is everyone in this group gay?”

Aiba frowns. “Is there a problem with that?” he asks. He's not gay, not completely at least. He likes boys and girls the same, really. But the way Ohno says it is like an insult and he feels offended for himself and the members he knows are.

“No, but...” Ohno visibly deflates. Ah, the words were said defensively rather than maliciously, though he feels like it shouldn't be used that way. They've all played around with men sometime or the other. Some more than others. Aiba stays silent though, giving Ohno the time to think through his words. He looks defeated, tired. So very confused. Aiba wants to hug him, but doesn't think with the way Ohno is holding himself that that would be wanted. “But I have...I have a problem if it's me that they want.” The last part is said so softly and almost like Ohno was trying to convince himself rather than Aiba.

Ah. Everything clicks for Aiba. “Why is that a problem?” he asks as if he doesn't already know what's going on.

“I don't want them back!”

“Are you sure?” Aiba leans back on the couch, a gentle smile on his face. He knew that Nino and Jun had been up to something ever since Ohno was forced by the company to break up with his girlfriend. Ohno always broke up with girls if the company asked. Because he loved Arashi. They all knew that. He's told them as much when pressed for answers. But this time...well they all thought he'd pick her over them. But he didn't. And he guesses that Nino and Jun thought it was confirmation of...well, whatever they thought of.

“Yes!” Ohno's answer was immediate and venomous, anger flaring anew. That wouldn't do.

“Then you should tell them,” Aiba shrugs. “You know Nino and MatsuJun, they're the type not to give up.” He smiles, thinking of his members. He loves them too. He always will. “They're both really alike, aren't they? No wonder they both like you, Leader." Ohno is looking back at him, horrified. Aiba blinks. “Did I say something wrong?”

“How do you know it's Nino and Jun?”

Aiba snorts. “You think it's a secret? They've been in love with you for years. All you have to do is look.” Not to mention that the both of them had said so to Aiba a while ago. 

“What?” Ohno looks shocked. “Y...years?”

“Yep,” Aiba smiles widely. “They think you're better than rice!”

“Rice?” Ohno blinks, confused. Aiba smiles wider.

“Better than rice, the staple food of Japanese people,” Aiba nods. “Isn't that great? To be loved better than rice! I wish someone loved me better than rice.”

“I don't understand...”

“Loving something better than rice or...?”

“Why...why they...” Ohno looks down at the ground, trying to figure it all out in his head. Aiba can visibly see the wheels turning.“They...like me? That way?”

“Well of course,” Aiba puts on his most gentle expression. “Why wouldn't they? You're our leader, Oh-chan, whether you wanted to be or not. And you're...well, frankly, you're very attractive, of course they'd want you!”

“I wish they didn't.”

“Didn't like you?”

Ohno nods, looking at the door. It's unlocked. Ohno looks relieved. 

“You know, all of us care about you a lot, Oh-chan,” Aiba says, serious for the moment. “We love you. Just like you love us.” 

“Not like how I love you,” Ohno says with conviction, but there's a waver to his voice, as if that conviction is breaking. “I love you like...like...” 

“Like Arashi?” Aiba provides. Ohno nods. “Not brothers, not family, not friends, but our own little category, right?” Ohno nods again. “Can't that category be lovers?”

“What? No!” He looks offended. “I'm not...” Aiba hears the word 'gay' in the silence Ohno gives, but they both know that isn't true. Ohno may have not messed around with a guy in decades, but the attraction has always been there. He just never wanted anyone of the same sex like he has the opposite. Not until now, he hopes. Aiba always wanted to see Ohno settle down. He thinks Jun and Nino could really take care of their absent-minded leader in a way that none of the other women in Ohno's life could.

Another thought occurs to him, but he brushes it off. Sho was straight. Thinking of Arashi orgies were definitely out of the question. Aiba refocuses. “Well, whatever you decide, you should tell them or they'll continue to pursue you. They really like you, Oh-chan.”

“I...don't know if I could like them back,” Ohno responds after a moment of silence and Aiba knows that he's done his job as a best friend. Nino and Jun owes him big time. Aiba suspects Ohno's never thought of his fellow members in that way before. He had been the oldest and the rest of them had probably seemed like children to him back then. It's hard to see what's grown up in front of you. “They're my friends Aiba-chan.”

“Those make the best lovers, though, don't you think?” Aiba responds with a really big smile just as Sho barges in with a bunch of staff in tow, running through their schedule for the day.


	7. Chapter 7

Nino huffs as he sits next to Jun, his face throbbing. Jun looks up from his book at the other, raising a carefully plucked eyebrow. He doesn't have to ask what happened with the handprint that is barely being covered by layers of makeup to know what Nino had tried. He shouldn't have left it to Nino. Knowing the other, he took what he wanted and didn't even give Ohno a proper explanation. The other makes a face at him. “Don't fucking give me that. At least I had the courage to do something, you coward.”

Jun rolled his eyes. “He just broke up with her. You couldn't wait a few more weeks to get him used to the idea? Oh, wait no. Nino doesn't do things like wait.”

“Shut up.” He crosses his arms and pouts like a child. “You're the one who told me to talk to him.”

Jun sighs and closes his book. “I told you to talk to him, not kiss him.”

Nino's frown deepens. “You Kabedon'd him!”

“On accident!” The two of them glare at each other for a second before Jun sighs. “Look, once he decides we're not good for him, he's out. Once he makes up his mind--”

“Don't fucking remind me okay?” Nino cuts in. “I know him better than you. I loved him fi—”

“Don't go there,” Jun warns and they glare at each other heatedly. It's an argument they've had before. One that Nino won't let go of because he thinks he's better than Jun because he loved Ohno first whereas Jun had grown to love their leader after. Sho had been Jun's first love, but that doesn't matter. He loves Ohno as much as Nino does now.

Jun sighs, breaking their stare off. They're supposed to be adults and now they're arguing like children again. “I don't want to lose him, Kazu.”

Nino deflates instantly. “I don't want to lose him either, but he's...”

“Ohno,” Jun finishes with snort. “Yeah, I get it.” If you don't put it plainly, Ohno won't get it. They both know it. Jun had tried to get Ohno to come to the conclusion himself but that didn't work so Nino had done the direct approach.

Ohno probably gets it now. And now it's up to Ohno to make his decision.

And both of them are scared shitless of what it might be.

“What if he doesn't want it?” Nino asks and Jun glances over at the other. He looks small, scared. Jun sighs and raises his arm and Nino instantly fits himself into Jun's side, seeking comfort he almost never asks for. Jun leans his cheek on Nino's hair, breathing in the other's scent. It's familiar to him, more now than it had been in the past despite their long history together. It had started as a relationship born out of a shared want for another, but now was solid enough to stand on it's own. They're risking that stability now on a fool hearted quest.

“We can't force him to be with us, Nino.” He feels Nino huff, as if the other thinks he could force Ohno into anything. Ohno isn't like them. He's strong, the strongest of all of them. He could shove them all aside and still shine on his own. But he doesn't because he loves them.

And the two of them, they took a chance on that love, hoping, perhaps uselessly, that Ohno might return their love.

He feels Nino shaking against him and he holds the other tight.

Whatever Ohno decides, he hopes it's soon.

 

 ***

 

“I'm worried.” Aiba says to Sho one day as the other cleans up their schedules for the coming week. He lays his head in the other's lap, not caring if Sho wants it there or not. He'll push him away if he's really disinclined. 

Sho sighs and looks down at Aiba who smiles up at him. “What are you worried about now?”

“Nino. Jun.” Aiba wiggles uncomfortably. “Leader.”

Sho rolls his eyes and continues to go through his schedule book line by line. “They'll figure themselves out.”

“But what if they don't?” Aiba frets. “It'll be the end of our group as we know it!”

“They're mature grown adults, Masaki, and we've been together for more years than we can count on two hands. If they don't figure it out, we'll figure it out for them. And things will go back to normal.” Sho's hand pets Aiba's hair briefly, a gesture of comfort. “Seriously, you shouldn't worry.”

They sit there, comfortable for a minute before Aiba wiggles again from the inactivity. “You know, Jun thinks you don't know about them.”

“About what?” Aiba snorts. Sho grins. “Jun-chan will always be Jun-chan.”

Aiba smiles wide. “I guess if you're here, we don't have to worry about the group falling apart.”

“It's because we're all here that the group won't fall apart,” Sho corrects. “Ohno won't let this group fail. He loves it too much.”

“Even if Jun and Nino are...?”

“He'll figure it out,” Sho says firmly. “He's Leader, isn't he?”

Aiba nods. “Right. Leader.”

“Even if he doesn't believe he's much of a leader.”

Aiba laughs at that. “He's the best Leader any group could ask for.”

Sho laughs along. “If only he actually believed that. And maybe helped out a bit.”

The two of them giggle together even as Nino and Jun enter and Ohno sneaks in to sit on Aiba's legs, far away from the other two.


	8. Go away

It's frustratingly easy for Ohno to avoid them. He never realized how much time they spent around other people until now. Jun has always been the social butterfly so he's got obligations to uphold and he banks on Nino finding the time to corner Ohno again and explain everything, but Ohno doesn't allow himself to be alone with either of them. He's taken to using Aiba as a shield and Aiba allows it because if there's anyone who could be a mother bear for Ohno, it'd be Aiba.   
  
Nino's been coming home to him frustrated and depressed. And frustrated and depressed Nino meant hours on game consoles and less with Jun. It's bad enough he's probably lost Ohno for good, he doesn't want to lose Nino too. Nino lived off the touches and comfort that Ohno gave so freely and it hurt seeing Nino lose that. The other looks lost without it, almost unable to deal with the pressures of stardom without it.   
  
Jun takes a shot of whatever Shun puts in front of him, his best friend looking on in worry. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jun snaps but Shun just shrugs. He's never been afraid of Jun's anger They did do Hana Yori Dango together once, and Doumyouji!Jun was way more scary than almost-middle-aged!Matsumoto Jun.   
  
“So are things okay with you and Nino?” he questions, taking a sip of his own drink, calm as he always is.   
  
“Of course it's okay.”   
  
“Really? Because it doesn't seem like it,” Shun gives Jun a look over. “Toma says that there are rumors that Nino's started groping Ohno again. Or, at least he was.”   
  
“Nino's always groping Ohno. The management just told him to stop doing it in front of the cameras.” Jun might have to have a talk with Toma about keeping Johnny's business to himself.   
  
“Oh, so the other rumors about you groping Ohno too are exaggerated?”   
  
“I don't know what you're talking about,” Jun grumbles into his drink. Yep, definitely having a talk with Toma. “Also, stop asking other Johnny's for information on Ohno, it's creepy.”   
  
Shun raises an eyebrow. “Jealous?”   
  
Jun looks horrified. “No, of course not!”   
  
“Really? Because I remember a young Jun who used to get angry at me for even suggesting I ask Ohno out for a drink.”   
  
“Because you really like him and that would have been inappropriate!”   
  
“So you didn't have a ridiculously huge crush on your leader?”   
  
Jun doesn't respond, only takes a large gulp of his drink. It burns going down his throat, but it's better than answering Shun's question. He's pretty sure his best friend has figured it out already. The only person he considers family that might be in the dark would be Sho. But that's because Sho is so busy right now that he barely has time to pay attention to the crumbling dynamics of his own group.   
  
It's up to Jun to repair it all. After Sho, he's the most responsible in the group. But how is he supposed to do that when his own heart is breaking? He loves Ohno so much. They had taken a chance and it seems like the chance was...well, it wasn't going well. They needed closure. They needed Ohno to say straight out if he wanted them or not.   
  
And with Nino beside himself already with worry and fear, it'll have to be up to him to get it out of Ohno.   
  
He stands up and Shun looks up at him with a raised eyebrow. “You gonna do something about your mood, then?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“Good luck.” Jun nods and runs out of the room.   


___

  
Ohno looks up from his painting, a dark mass of eyes and hands, as doorbell rings shrilly. His monitor blinks to life and after a glance at it, he turns away and starts painting more rigorously. The doorbell rings again.   
  
Again and again and again and again and Ohno throws his paintbrush down and stomps over to the door monitor. “Go away, Matsumoto!” he yells into the thing. “I don't want to talk to you.”   
  
“I want to talk to you!” Jun says back looking up at the camera and Ohno feels his heart jump slightly. He ignores it.   
  
“Go away!”   
  
“I have a key you know!” Jun says, waving it in front of the camera.   
  
“That's called privacy invading!” He doesn't actually know what it's called, but he hopes that his words get across.   
  
“I really need to talk to you!”   
  
“The way Nino talked to me? I don't need that or your Kabedon'ing!” Ohno slaps the monitor button to shut it off and goes back to his painting. He stares at it for a second and realizes he won't be able to paint when he feels this agitated and he starts putting away.   
  
There's a knock now. Knock and knock and knock and knock.   
  
They've been members for too long, Jun knows how to irritate him enough to open the door. He swings it open. “Go away, Mats--”   
  
Arms envelope him and he struggles. He hasn't consented to this but Jun won't let go and he can feel the other shaking and his shirt feels damp. Jun is repeating something over and over.   
  
Ohno calms himself enough to listen. “I'm sorry,” the youngest repeats. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”   
  
Ohno sighs. “Let me go, Jun.”   
  
The younger doesn't immediately let him go, but eventually the arms loosen enough for Ohno to take a step back. The other has been drinking, he can smell it. He won't have a talk with a drunk Jun. “Go home, Jun, you've been drinking.”   
  
“Not until I've said my piece,” Jun says and his eyes are trained to the ground, unusual for their usually direct youngest member.   
  
“Fine. Say it and then go home.” It’s so rare for him to feel this sort of anger and he lets it wash through him, letting it fuel his indifference to Nino and Jun. He’s afraid if he doesn’t, he’ll end up giving in and he knows that isn’t what he needs right now. He’s too compliant with them already. Maybe that’s what lead to this ridiculous idea of theirs.   
  
Jun takes in a breath and then out again. “We...Nino and I...we've loved you for a really long time. We always contemplated telling you, but both of us, we never knew where we stood with you. And when you broke up with her, we wanted to get close to you. I know we were probably too forward--”   
  
“Probably?” Ohno snorts at that.   
  
“But we didn't mean to be. You know how Nino is. He'd rather take the leap than be cautious about it, but we...we need to know. We need a conclusion to this before we both go insane. If you're going to reject us, then do it already.”   
  
Ohno looks at Jun for a moment. “Please leave,” he says after a minute of silence.   
  
Jun looks up, eyes red and he sees himself in those eyes. The Ohno from a month ago.   
  
He's breaking Jun's heart.   
  
“I need you to leave,” he repeats more firmly. This isn't...he just broke up with someone. He still needs time to think. “Now, Jun.”   
  
The younger nods turning around and moving slowly toward the door. He looks defeated. Something that Ohno has never seen from Jun, who has always radiated more confidence than the rest of them.   
  
Ohno's heart aches. “This isn't...” he starts to say but then Jun stops and there's a lift to his shoulders as if he's hoping for something that Ohno isn't really able to give right now. Ohno plunges on. “This isn't the end to this discussion. I just don’t want to have it when you’re drunk. I...I'll give you my answer. When I'm ready. I need to think. Can you two...give me that?”   
  
Jun pauses for a long second, absorbing what Ohno's saying for a second and nods without turning around.   
  
The door falls shut behind him and Ohno falls to the floor with his face in his hands.

How did this even happen? And where does he go from here? He has no answers for Jun and Nino. Like Aiba had said, he's never thought of them that way. They were his bandmates, friends. Family. _Brothers._ Any sort of love for them stopped there because in his mind's eye he still sees the tiny boy who used to follow him everywhere in Kyoto, sees the bug eyed Jun who would follow Sho around like the other was a religion. He doesn't think he can think of them any other way. Doesn't know if he wants to.

He is Arashi's Leader and he's always given up love for Arashi, but what does he do if that love is from Arashi itself?


	9. Chapter 9

Usually Sho doesn't find himself around Ohno much. It isn't that they aren't friends or that they don't interact, but Ohno is usually out fishing or being pawed at by Nino or figuring out some sort of choreography or set arrangement with Jun. He's not usually around Sho who deals with times and schedules and the more finer points of their functioning as a group. But now that the other is avoiding Nino and Jun, Sho finds Ohno at his side, leaning over to see something or other because he may not be a person with much of a presence, but he was much more curious than anyone gave him credit for.

Sho let the other see his schedule book with it's times and arrows and names and figures. Ohno makes a satisfied sound before settling back into his seat at Sho's side, content now that he's seen what he wants to see. Sho smiles fondly.

“Still having problems, I see?” Ohno gives a tiny huff. He shouldn’t be surprised that everyone knows about his problems. There are few secrets between them now. “All you have to do is give them a yes or no."

“I don't...” Ohno trails off, looking down at his hands.

“Don't want to say no?” Ohno doesn't answer, but Sho figures it out anyway. Aiba's a gossip monger. Which is good, he guesses, because it's been Sho that's been really helping Ohno keep away from Jun and Nino. Rescheduling things so that Ohno can have time to think wasn't that big of a task right now, not with them in between concerts, but things would be picking up soon. “Aiba-chan says that you've never thought of them that way.”

Ohno looks up at Sho and tilts his head. “Have you?”

Sho doesn't let their gaze break, but he lets a small smile curl his lips. “Once,” he admits, but then turns back to his book again. He doesn't really need to schedule anything right now. He just wants to make sure he's not going to miss anything today.

“Jun?”

Sho's smile widens a bit, nostalgic. “Yeah. But he was too young then and now...well, he's got Nino now. And you.”

“So you like him still?”

“I like all of you.”

“That way?”

Sho snorts, looks back at Ohno who looks way more serious than Sho thought he would be and it sobers him slightly. “You know, Aiba wouldn't mind that.”

It's Ohno's turn to snort. “Aiba likes the idea of orgies.” They've all seen his porn collection. “But I'm talking about you, Sho-chan.”

Sho looks away from Ohno, thoughtful. It takes him a while to answer, but Ohno's always been patient with silences and when Sho does answer, it's a confident one. “I don't think I'd mind either. It's not like dating outside of Arashi is easy.”

“So we're dating each other because it's easy?”

“I didn't say that,” Sho frowns. “Jun and Nino genuinely love you. And they want you to take their claim seriously.”

“I'm trying to, but...” Ohno falls to his side on the couch, curling up into a ball. Sho tries desperately not to just lean over and squeeze the other. That's Aiba, not him. But at the same time, Ohno sometimes just looks like he needs to be squeezed. “I don't think I'm ready. Maybe later, but not now.”

“Then tell them that,” Sho insists. Ohno doesn't say anything for a long while and Sho wonders if the other has even heard him before Ohno finally nods, a concession.

Sho holds back a sigh. He really wants this to be over already.

 

\--

 

Aiba and Sho were right, he's never thought of them as anything beyond the children they had been. When he looks at Jun, he still sees the little insect with big eyes that used to follow Sho around like a puppy. In Nino he sees the boy who would use him as an anchor in a world that is not theirs to control. But despite that, he doesn't want to reject them outright. He does love them and his heart aches every time Nino reaches out and then pulls his hand back, the way Jun makes sure never to make him feel uncomfortable with his presence by making excuses to be other places rather than at Ohno's side. It's just not that sort of love.

But...it could be.

The time Sho's given him to think, to really think, has helped. He's had time to reflect on what his members mean to him beyond colleagues and friends. He watches them from the safety of Aiba's side, silent like always but observant. He didn't even know that Nino and Jun were dating until now and apparently it had been going on for quite a while. He watches the way Nino looks over at Jun and how Jun watches over Nino and sees the affection there he never had before. He had never thought anything about Jun taking Nino home because Nino lived in the same direction but now it makes more sense.

He feels like he's learning about his members all over again and it fascinates him. Aiba looks gleeful at the way Ohno is watching Jun and Nino and he can't help but kick the other in the shin. “Stop looking at me like that,” he grumbles.

“But you're thinking about them that way, aren't you?”

Ohno shakes his head. “No, I'm not. But...” he looks back to where Nino and Jun are discussing something or other, heads close but not touching. There's something intimate in the way they sit together even though they're almost never touching. “I just didn't realize that they were...that close.”

Aiba laughs. “Jealous?”

Ohno snorts. “No.” He tears his gaze away from the two to focus on Aiba. “This is part of your grand plan, isn't it?” he accuses. “To get that Arashi orgy I know you've been thinking about.”

Aiba laughs so hard he almost falls off the couch. Nino and Jun look their way and Nino looks annoyed but Jun a bit amused. Aiba waves them back to what they're doing, holding his stomach and the other two resume their discussion. “Where did you get that idea from?”

Ohno rolls his eyes. “You think it's a secret?”

“Well, yeah, but it's not like it's going to happen,” Aiba smiles. “I mean, Sho's straight, so there is that.”

Ohno blinks at that. “What?”

Aiba blinks back. “What?”

“Sho's not straight.”

“Yes, he is.”

“No, he's not.”

“...what?”

It's Ohno's turn to laugh. “Wait, Aiba-chan, you thought that Sho-chan was straight?”

Aiba frowns hard. “I've never...” Well, Sho never really discusses his love life with any of them, boys or girls. Maybe Aiba had just been assuming...

Ohno smiles. “Sho-chan is like you. Like you and me.” Aiba looks lost in thought, as if he's rearranging his own memories to fit this new information. A smile starts breaking out on his face, one that looks way too lecherous for anyone's good. “That still doesn't mean you'll get an Arashi orgy, Aiba-chan,” Ohno reminds the other.

“Think of the possibilities! Now you have to get with them! Ohno, I order you!”

“I'm the leader here, aren't I?”

“I can't wait to ask Sho-chan what he thinks of Jun-chan now...” Aiba doesn't look like he's listening anymore and Ohno sighs, looking back at Nino and Jun instead, still thinking on his problem as Aiba makes plan for the orgy that will definitely not be happening. He can barely think of Jun and Nino as anything more than friends, what makes Aiba think that he himself is any different?


	10. Chapter 10

Ohno finally makes his decision on it all a week later. And this time, he's the one to lock the door.

Sho and Aiba are called off for their own thing for Zero and Tensai and Jun, Nino and Ohno have their own schedules that start in about an hour. The waiting room has only three of them and before Jun can make an excuse to be somewhere else, Ohno stands and locks them all in.

But he stays at the door, doesn't turn around even as he feels the eyes on him. “If either of you touch me before we unlock this door, I will never talk to either of you again,” he warns, turning toward the two on the couch.

Jun nods and Nino bites at his lips for a second before nodding along. They say nothing as Ohno presses his back against the door for a second, gathering his thoughts. “You know what makes me angry? Not the fact that you two...you know, but that you guys did it after I broke up with her. How do I take you seriously when you use my grief to get close to me? What made you think that would be the best way to go?”

“We didn't mean to...” Jun starts but Ohno interrupts him.

“Yeah, but you did. And it kind of hurts. I'm not...I won't be ready for that again. Not immediately after someone I really did love. I've never thought of any of you that way. You've all been just...members. Arashi. Kids I grew up with. I haven't thought of any of you like...like someone I would like. And I wish you guys would have gone about this a different way instead of Kabedon'ing me or kissing me without my consent.” He glares at both of them. “I don't appreciate it.”

“I'm sorry.” The intone together and Ohno is reminded again why he still thinks of them as children. He sighs.

“Yeah, I know you are but...if you want this to happen, you need to do it right. Don't treat me like...like something to be won over. Maybe you guys have...have loved me that way for years, but I've...never thought about it. Convince me to think about it.”

He takes a deep breath. “Convince me to...to love you.”

Jun and Nino exchange glances and he watches as their postures change from rejection to hopeful. “Does that...mean you'll give us a chance? You won't hide behind Aiba?” Jun is the first to speak.

Ohno nods slowly. “I haven't...thought of guys that was in a really long time. But I'll give you a chance. As long as there isn't any kabedoning or kissing without permission.”

“So...if there's permission then you'll let us kiss you?” Nino chimes in and Ohno rolls his eyes. Of course Nino would say that.

“You think I'll give you permission?”

“I have confidence in my ability to convince you to give me permission,” Nino says in a way only Nino can and it brings a small smile to Ohno's face. It's faint, but it's there. It reassures the other two that they hadn't completely lost here.

“Well...that's all I have to say about it. So...” the atmosphere turns awkward as it always does when Ohno's run out of things to say.

Jun takes Nino's hand. “We'll leave you alone for now, then,” he says. “But we...we're going to try our hardest to convince you that...well, that we love you. And that we want you with us.”

Ohno looks up at Jun and he nods. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” he smiles at the smaller man and tugs Nino out the door who looks reluctant to leave. “Come on Nino, we have some planning to do.”

When the door shuts, Ohno feels relieved, but also somewhat excited. He's still not really convinced he could fall into a threesome with his band members, but he's certain he could try.

And that at least, is something he can give them. A try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this part! Next part to be up...soon haha. This fic is kind of my way of trying to figure everyone out since i've never written arashi fic before this, so bear with me if they seem a bit ooc haha...but! it'll all end in ot5 XD


End file.
